NOTABLE QUOTES

As a server you are often asked some pretty interesting questions, and some stick with you throughout your career in the business. Living and working in San Francisco's restaurant scene, I bet there are more unusual requests here than in other towns, but you get the idea. That show Portlandia wasn't far off when the guests ask questions about the name of the chicken. Guests can be a bit too forthcoming at times, needy, pushy, demanding, and difficult. Here are some memorable notable quotes:

-"Is the bacon humanely raised? I am thinking I might add it to my burger."
evidently they don't care about the cow being humanely raised, but the bacon, that's super
important.

-"Is the pasta gluten free"
this is just pasta 101 guys

-"I have a dairy allergy, can I do __ without dairy?"..."can I get some butter for my bread please?"
OK so I just went through the whole menu so as you don't eat dairy in any of the dishes, and you want what for your bread? Butter is in fact a dairy product.

-"I have an onion allergy, what can I eat?"
pretty much can't have anything on the menu as everything is started with onions.

-"I would like this cocktail, but can you have the bartender make it with less alcohol? I don't really drink."
right, so make an alcoholic drink not so alcoholic, we'll get right on that.

-"We would like some oysters, I assume they are farmed?"
do you want farmed oysters or not, I can't tell?

-"I would like my burger cooked medium plus"
what does that mean to you? the kitchen knows 4 temps, this one is not one of them.

-"Do you have gluten free bread?"
um... nope.

-"If I order the veggie burger can I add bacon?"
yes, yes you can, kind of defeats the purpose of eating a veggie burger but...

-"Can I just get a caesar salad with a chicken breast?"
well, we don't have any of what you asked for on the menu, so nope... we don't just have caesar dressing hiding "just in case" someone orders it.

-"I don't have a reservation but I am a friend of the owner's."
yeh, it's Friday night in the middle of the rush, we have no room for walk ins, and everyone is a "friend of the owner" tonight. Nice try, there's still no room.

-"I am a vegetarian trying to get pregnant"
...and how do you suppose I am going to be able to help you with that?

-"can I get the mushroom pasta without the mushrooms but can you add some brussels sprouts? I just don't like mushrooms."
well the mushrooms are actually a huge part of that dish, it's what makes the dish a mushroom pasta,
otherwise we'd sell it as a brussels sprout pasta (yeh that sounds appetizing). Or how about you don't
order that dish, find something else.

-"Can I get the burger without a bun... can we get some bread for the table?"
Have never really understood this one.

-" I am a vegetarian, what can I eat on the menu?"
I have a hard time believing that if you've actually read through the menu, that you couldn't figure out
what is vegetarian and what is not. The menu states if there is meat or fish in the dish exactly for this
reason, so you know what you can and cannot eat. But of course I will rattle off the obvious dishes to you.

-"I am vegan who doesn't eat gluten... what can I eat?"
This is an entirely different challenge, basically you will get some type of veggies for your first course,
and hopefully some different types of veggies for your entree as well. Forget about dessert. Unless you
are eating at a vegan friendly place, this is a difficult one to accommodate.

- "What is your favorite dish on the menu?"
I have mentioned this before, please don't ask this... I like what I like, you like what you like, and it
might not be the same thing. Choose what sounds good to you.

-"I will have a glass of the house red"
What does this even mean? We don't live in a town that offers 1 glass of red wine. Please look at the
menu and choose from one of the 10 glasses of red we offer

-"Is your orange juice fresh squeezed?"
Yes, We use a company that squeezes the oranges fresh, ie it's not pasteurized, it's fresh, but no we do
not squeeze it in house. Not sure why this turns people off a $3 glass of OJ.

-"Can the bartender make me something special? I like my drinks sweet and spicy and vodka based."
In the middle of a busy dinner service, these are the bartender's favorite ticket, they are slammed with
15 drink tickets a full bar... and in comes a special request ticket time to get creative!


The notable quotes will continue as long as restaurants are open!! As the years pass, food trends change and so do people's requests. It's amazing how quickly I formulate my responses without even thinking nowadays!

AT THE TABLE

Alright! You got a table, wether you planned ahead making a reservation, or walked in and the tables gods were with you, you are here, and that's all that matters! You are here to eat and drink and we, the servers, are here to make that happen.

The host seats you according to how the books will work for the evening. Sometimes it seems odd that they sit you right next to another 2 top in an empty dining room, but going back to the previous chapters, they got you in and are making it work for you as well as the restaurant, so just go with it. If you are a 2 top and ask to be seated "in that booth over there" which is for a table for 4 you will most likely be denied, those are for parties of 4, and you are not that. If you really dislike the table offered to you, let the host know asap, as they might be able to rearrange and get you something better. But please don't ask to move halfway through your first course, as then it becomes difficult not only for the host but for the server and the kitchen as well. Once you've ordered food and it's at your table, that's the table you have chosen, be happy that you even have a table.

Your server is predetermined based on the books. If you love a certain server, you can request to be seated in their section, but things like that cannot always be easily granted, so put a little note in your reservation asking for your favorite server, that way the host might actually arrange it before the evening is under way. Your server is a unique individual and has his or her own routine when it comes to handling their section. This routine makes the flow of the night easy for everyone, it paces the kitchen, it paces the server, it paces the bar, so that no part of the restaurant is totally overwhelmed. Of course, it's not always smooth, but the little routines that each server has, helps them organize the chaos.

Wether you are a large party or a small party, please pay attention to your server when they are at the table. Blatantly ignoring and talking over us is just rude, especially when you've asked us a question. We are here as the middle man between you and the bar, and you and the kitchen. We are the people who ring in what you want, even if it's a ridiculous request, we are the ones who smooth out those requests with the bartender, and the chef, so be nice to us, we are working for you to make sure your experience is the best it can be.

So let's get started. Can I get you a drink?
Servers, if they have been in the industry for a while, can answer questions, and suggest things to you with ease. But not all questions have an easy answer. The one question I hate is "what's your favorite______ (drink)"? To which I always respond, well, what do YOU like to drink? Yes of course I have my favorites, but I like gin, and you might not, I don't like mezcal, and it might be your favorite liquor, so my favorite drink is probably not going to be your favorite drink. Instead, tell me what you like to drink. If you like rye, I can guide you in the direction of those types of drinks. Using key words is also very helpful, on the sweeter side, on the drier side, tart, or specific booze that you like. This also applies to wine. Wine is very subjective. When you ask me for a dry white, I am going to give you what I think it the driest option we have on the list. You can always ask for a taste if you don't believe us and our tasting notes, that way you can be happy with your choice. Please don't order a glass of wine or cocktail, drink half the glass and decide it's not good, tell us within in the first sip or 2, that way we know you didn't like it and can get you something better... you don't suffer and we don't think you just want free booze.

If your drinks are taking a while it usually means the bar is slammed, not that your server is making you suffer by holding back you order. Bartenders have a tough job... they have to make drinks for the floor as well as the bar, and are also giving great customer service to all of their bar sitters who are also eating dinner, and talking their ear off all at the same time. They have to balance it all with grace while making 6 ingredient cocktails for a party of 13 who just ordered 10 different drinks, all within a very short amount of time. Yeh, you try and do that... It's a skill, and a patience tester, so if you plop on a barstool, and the bartender doesn't immediately give you a food/wine/cocktail list, don't get angry, but sit back and watch the magic happen, they will in fact get you a menu as soon as they possibly can fit it in to their list of things to do. It's hard as an outsider to wait 3 minutes at a bar before getting a menu, but just know, they aren't ignoring you, they just have so much to do they can't get to you. So be nice, understanding, and be in awe of the bartender and their skills.

Can we get you some food started?
"We're not ready to order"... is the worst thing a server wants to hear. You have now been sitting at the table for 20 minutes, have had ample time to look through the menu, ask me questions, and still, you are not sure what to get. I know you are here to eat, I am just here to make sure that happens in the allotted table time. Well, maybe just appetizers then? "what's your favorite?", there it is again... that question I hate. Working in the restaurants in San Francisco, this is a loaded question, I don't know if you are vegan, or vegetarian, or gluten intolerant, or have a dairy allergy or have high cholesterol (yes, someone shared that with me after I told him my "favorite"), so what I like, you might not like. Again I do have my favorites, but if you have a specific need, let me know before I go ahead with my spheal. "I can't eat gluten, can you guide me in the right direction?", amazing and very helpful. "I am a vegetarian who doesn't eat dairy", great I can actually help you with ease to finding things that will suite your specifications. But asking my favorite... this means I am going to suggest the chicken livers because they are in fact AMAZING, to which you cringe because you hate livers... don't ask me what I like.

Wow, ok, I managed to get first course ordered after 30min. Great, now I have to get a second course order in ASAP for the kitchen's sake. In order for the kitchen not to get overwhelmed it is the goal of a server to get all the courses in at once so that the kitchen can plan ahead and start all dishes that take a while to cook. This allows them to pace their stations so they don't get overwhelmed with 20 dishes all coming in at once. It's pretty much the same at every sit down more fine dining restaurant. Coursed tickets help everyone along. The server is happy as it's part of their "routine", and the kitchen is happy because it helps their flow. So if you have given me your first course but not your second, I am going to get that from you as soon as I possibly can, and it's not to rush you along, it's only to help the kitchen. I will pace your meal so you have ample time to eat your first course, with a break in between your next. Don't think that just because I take your order that it will come out of the kitchen in 2 minutes, it will be held back until you are ready.

Let's talk about the kitchen... this is a huge part of your experience. The kitchen guys pump out some amazing food usually from very small kitchens, and they do it with grace and ease. They are always in high gear, grilling, frying, searing, roasting. They have to prep each little component to EVERYTHING you eat. I mean, someone had to make that stock from scratch and turn it into an amazing sauce, that just graces your dish completing that entree. It probably took 3 days to make, and it takes you 20 min to scarf it down. We don't really think of all the people involved in each dish, but it is a lot of work, which is why you go out to eat it instead of making it at home. If you do in fact have an allergy we will do our best to make a dish to your needs. But when a guest asks to COMPLETELY change a dishes components, the chef is most likely going to say no, they will usually say "tell them to order something else". You are taking apart a dish that he has composed as a whole. To swap out one vegetable for another is taking these matched components, and making it your own dish. It's hard for a chef to see that happen. There is a reason those elements are on the dish, wether you understand it or not, the chef does. Cook at home if you want your chicken with green beans and mashed potatoes, we don't make that here.

We do want guests to be happy with their food, so please tell the server if something is wrong. If it's too salty, spicy, not what you expected. If you aren't happy with your decision, after all that we've been through, we will get you something else. Don't lie to us say everything is "fine" and then go on Yelp and say how horrible the food was. We can fix it for you in the moment, honestly, if your fish is overcooked, let us try again, if your burger is undercooked, let us bring it up. We are willing to make adjustments, and help you have a great experience, but please tell us. We can't help you if you don't tell us. A good server will check in with you once you've gotten your meal, and when they ask how everything is and you say "great", "delicious" "amazing" we are assuming you are telling us the truth. Don't take a bad experience with you if you haven't made an effort to fix it.

RESERVATIONS

Let's start at the beginning. Let's say you have a party of four that would like to dine at 7:30pm ,and so you need to make a reservation. You have tried booking it online and for some reason it won't let you, so you decide to call the restaurant to see if it's at all possible. Well first off, if you can't book it though the restaurant's website or Opentable, it probably means that there is in fact no room at the time you desire, so when calling... just expect to not get exactly what you want, especially on the same day. When speaking with the reservationist or host, be nice and open to adjusting your plans a bit. If they can miraculously fit you in, be grateful... that means they used there magic to maneuver 5 other tables so as to accommodate your one party. If by chance they say they can't fit you... it means the books are full and all the tables are seriously all reserved. They are trained to get as many people in the restaurant as possible... believe me they will get you in if they can. However they may be able to get you in on the earlier side or later side of the time you desired. Take advantage of this offer if you have a little flexibility. EVERYONE eats between 7 and 8:30pm, your experience might be a nicer one and a faster seating if you opt for whatever the reservationist offers you. If for whatever reason (you have a guest flying to NY on a 9pm flight, and you are dropping them at the airport, and you have to dine at 7, or you could only get a sitter to watch the kids from 7-9) opt for a more casual dinner at the bar or a communal type table. There's usually non-reservable spots and you can still enjoy the same food and drink that you would have at a "real" table. If none of this works for you, thank the person on the phone for trying, and attempt to snag a table at another restaurant.

Now let's talk about walking into a restaurant without a reservation. Same rules apply as over the phone as in person. If there is no room, there's really no room. Yes there will be empty tables in the dining room, and no you can't have them. The hosts job, just like the reservationists, is to seat as many people as they possibly can, so they WILL do their best to make something work. If they can't it's because we are overbooked, all tables have multiple seating and there's no room for error, and there's just not enough time to get you in and out in time for the next seating. The host is actually doing you a favor... opting you OUT of a 45 min meal because they too want you to enjoy your experience. But, if the host can find a table with a shortened table time, and you can honestly dine quickly as you have to pick up your kids from soccer or make it to the theater... take the table. At least you'll have food and wine in your tummy for that 2 1/2 hour play your going to sit through. The floor staff will make it as seamless as possible to get you in and out. But if that option doesn't appeal to you, seems too rushed, don't lie and say "we'll be out by 8pm", and at 8:45 wonder why the whole floor staff is circling around your table like vultures. All it takes is a little bit of planning ahead to get exactly what you want. The books don't usually get crazy until Thursday for a Friday reservation, so call on Tuesday for Friday and you will probably get the exact time you want.

Don't get me wrong... we want you to dine with us! Actually we need your business to survive so all of us from the reservationist, to the servers, to the kitchen will do whatever we can to accommodate you as best we can. But help us help you make this experience a great one instead of a difficult one. So if you know that your best friend is coming for a visit in 2 weeks, and my restaurant is your favor neighborhood spot and you want to show it off, call ahead and reserve. We want you to dine with us, we'd love the company!!

DINING ETIQUETTE

It has been ages since I have written, but I recently started jotting down ideas for a new direction for this blog. Here it goes... hope you find it partially entertaining, and for all of you who work in the service industry, front or back, I hope this all makes sense to you!! Happy cooking and Happy Reading! Here we go with "Dining Etiquette"

INTRO:

Being a restaurant server means I am constantly asked what I am going to do when I "grow up"?, when am I going to get a "real" job?. And I think to myself... I AM in fact grown up, and this "fake" job I am working is probably 10 times more difficult than your desk job 9-5er gig. As a server, you are on your feet constantly, you have to think quick on said feet, you have to have great people skills, be an excellent multi-tasker, a negotiator, someone who talks when no one is listening, and a good listener when EVERYONE is talking. It's a delicate balance, and often times our patience is tested, if only for a brief moment, but in that moment you wish your night was over already.

I have been in the service industry for over half my life, this is what I am good at. This is what I want as my career, although it's hard for some to grasp, it's the truth. I don't enjoy the 9-5 same thing day in day out, eating at my desk, staring at a computer that doesn't give me much in return. I enjoy the human interaction (good and bad), meeting new people, sharing stories, teaching them about a new ingredient or a wine. Interaction with different people everyday, while getting to promote good food, that's what I like. I enjoy chatting with my co-workers on the kitchen line while stuffing family meal in our faces after a long tiring shift, and asking the line cook who made the meal what exactly we are eating, and them sharing a story about how it is their grandmother's "secret" recipe brought all the way from Mexico. Most of the time the service industry is awesome. What other job can you make a schedule that fits your lifestyle needs? Switching shifts so you can actually take that epic 4 day in a row camping trip? We are asleep when everyone else is awake, and awake when the world is sleeping. Rarely do I have to wait in a long line at the bank or grocery store as I can go during the "off peak" time, this also applies to travel, off peak means cheaper flights and hotels. Night serving means your shift begins before rush hour, and ends before the bars close... it's a real win win.

It does have it's drawbacks for some as it does take a certain creature to be on their feet 6-8 hours straight, chose to work late at night, and work up to and after most major holidays... as we are usually open for all the people who don't have to work. And of course, there's the lack of health insurance which truly makes this job "fake", because only "real" jobs offer it to their employees. There is affordable insurance to be had to fit anyone's budget, one just has to research, and I have been lucky enough to have an HSA set up for all if my out of pocket needs, so it's really not that bad.

This blog will help the non-service industry people better understand the lifestyle, the draw, the good times and bad ones, the people, the food, the insight, the knowledge, and the passion for why we have chosen this path in life. It will hopefully teach you the diners how to be better at going out to eat, how not to blame or judge or get angry, but rather to enjoy and let us lead you through a lovely meal start to finish. It is an hour and a half of our lives, and I am here to make it memorable, so, hello and welcome, did you make a reservation?

Recipe Friday 2/1: Game Day Snacks

Well in case you were unaware, it's Superbowl Sunday this weekend, and being that the 49ers are in the game, and I live in SF, I have to pretend to care somewhat and at least watch it to see who wins the game. So I thought if you were having a gathering, a few simple recipes to go along side your potato chips and onion dip, and little smokies (yes we will be eating those on Sunday, they are a staple)might add to the yummy day of feasting on bite sized food. So I have included a few simple recipes, nothing too labor intensive so that you can actually prep all the food before the game starts, and you too can watch (but only if you want to!). Pair these recipes with a keg/bottle/can of beer or a festive cocktail, being that it's in New Orleans, we'll be drinking hurricanes! However you celebrate, fill the day with some yummy food too, and enjoy the game, and as always Happy Cooking!


Philly Cheesesteak Bites
1/2 lb ribeye, round or sirloin, sliced very thin
1/2 yellow bell pepper 1/2 green bell pepper, thin slice (use the rest in your veggie platter)
1 white onion, thin slice
1 package of provolone cheese (pre sliced, or slice yourself)
olive oil
Salted Rosemary salt and pepper to taste
Baguette, sliced small rounds 1/2in thick

* in a pan, heat oil, add sliced beef, cook until heated through and some browning is achieved. Remove from heat. In the same pan, add a little more oil, cook the peppers and onions until soft. while the onions cook, slice the baguette, add a slice of cheese and pop in the oven until the cheese is gooey. Remove from oven. Mix the onions, pepper and meat together in a bowl, tossing with salt and pepper to taste, place a portion on the baguette with cheese, serve!

Game Day Meatballs
* use the recipe for Healthier Homemade Meatballs from Friday 1/18, only make them bite size so you can toothpick them like an appetizer. And instead of using tomato sauce, use bar-b-q sauce to cook it in. Delicious and healthy.


Spinach Artichoke Dip
1/2 red onion, peeled
1/4 cup chopped fresh green onions
1/2 cup artichoke hearts, rinsed
8oz baby spinach
1/2 cup cream cheese
1/2 cup low-fat cottage cheese
1/4 cup nonfat plain yogurt
1 Tblspn lemon juice
Salted. lemon herb salt, and pepper to taste

* Pulse red onion and artichoke hearts in a food processor until coarsely chopped. Add cream cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, lemon juice, salt and pepper and pulse until just combined. Add spinach and green onions and pulse until incorporated. Serve with toasty bread, pita chips or even raw veggies! yum!

Recipe Friday 1/25: Pork Loin Skewers

Happy Friday yet again! For this weekend I am giving you a recipe for kebabs, but a very easy and healthy recipe that calls for pork tenderloin. It's a leaner cut which means a healthy meal for you to keep up the good work in the new year. Pork loin is tender and delicious and perfect for cubing up and skewering for this dish. Often times it can be a little pricy, so you can choose another cut if you wish, something cheaper. The marinade is simple and full of flavor without a lot of ingredients. I have paired it with an apple chutney to serve with it, because as you know apples and pork are a great combo! These skewers can be a great dinner, served with the chutney and maybe some sauteed kale, or over saffron rice, and it can also transition to a party appetizer as it is a skewer and able to be passed around and eaten easily as finger food. Enjoy this dish with a great sauvignon blanc, or a lighter red wine like a beaujolais (gamay) or a pinot noir, and make tonight's dinner a healthy and flavorful one... and as always Happy Cooking.

Pork Skewers
1 pork tenderloin (1lb), cut into 1 1/2in pieces
2 lemons, juiced, the zest of 1
3 Tblspn olive oil
2 garlic cloves, zested or minced fine
1 Tblspn chopped fresh thyme
lemon herb salt and pepper to taste

* preheat the oven to 400 degrees. soak the wooden skewers in water for about 15 min so they don't burn. While they are soaking, marinate the pork in the olive oil, lemon juice and zest, garlic, thyme, salt and pepper. Once the skewers are soaked skewer the meat, place on a baking sheet and cook for 30 min or until the pork is cooked, turning once half way through. Remove and serve with apple & onion chutney.


Apple and Onion Chutney
1/4 cup olive oil
2 medium onions, thinly sliced
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
1/3 cup Sherry wine vinegar
2 small Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, cut into 1/2in pieces
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon fresh ginger, large chunks, just to infuse flavor
1-2 cups water or chicken stock
salt and pepper to taste

* Heat oil in a large pan over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook until golden, about 30 minutes. Stir in both vinegars. Add apples, sugar, and ginger. Reduce heat to medium and cook until apples are tender, about 15 more minutes. Add water or chicken stock as needed and cook until desired texture is reached. Salt and pepper to taste.

Recipe Friday 1/18: Healthier Homemade Meatballs

So one of my New Year's resolutions was to cut back on my red meat intake. It's not super hard, but when you crave certain meals... like spaghetti and meatballs, it's difficult to replace red meat with something else. Well I challenged myself to make a delicious turkey/pork meatball to serve with my pasta. I also made my own tomato sauce from scratch, but I didn't write the recipe down, so I only have the meatball one to share with you. You can choose a nice jar of sauce from the store to compliment your healthy meatballs, and you can even opt out of the semolina flour pasta for something like a quinoa based pasta and truly make a healthy meal out of it. Open a nice bottle of barbera, or chianti and pretend that you are in Italy, only eating food that is slightly better for you! And as always... Happy Cooking.

Turkey and Pork Meatballs
3/4 lb ground turkey thighs
1/2 lb ground pork
1/2 cup fresh or dried bread, small chop (or bread crumbs)
1 egg yolk
1 tspn black pepper
2 tspn Salted Rosemary salt
1-2 tspn italian herb blend
2 sprigs fresh thyme, just the leaves, chopped fine
1-2 tblspns olive oil

* mix all of the ingredients together until blended together. Roll into whatever size meatballs you would like (i made 10 medium size meatballs). Put on a baking sheet and place in the fridge for 30 min, this helps keep their shape.
* In a pot, heat oil, add meatballs from fridge, we are just browning the outside of these here, not cooking all the way through. Brown all sides, and remove and place on a clean plate.
* In the same pot, pour enough sauce to cover the bottom of the pot, and then add the meatballs back in, and fill the pot with remaining tomato sauce. Bring to a boil, and then turn down to a simmer, and allow to cook for another 45 min, this time may very depending on the size of the meatballs. You are cooking the meatballs through at this point, so the longer the better, and the more flavor with be drawn into the sauce.
* serve over pasta that you have cooed according to the package and enjoy with fresh parmesan cheese! yum!